I Am Not My Mother

I am not my mother.



Not in a resentful, distain of possibly being her, I’m just not. As far back as I can remember she has been the epitome of motherly perfection. She never forgets a face, name or birthday. She even remembers to send cards for anniversaries and, graduations. She also sends Halloween, Easter, St. Patrick’s Day and Thanksgiving cards to each of her 17 grandchildren across the US- ON TIME. In 1983 my parents lived in Colorado Springs Colorado, there was a shuttle landing at the NASA site in Denver  just a few days after my birth and my parents decided to go. At that point my mom was able to fit back into her size 6 jeans- and still wears a sixe 6 at age 60. In the midst of one day in her life she can bake bread for church, drop of her weekly purchase of donations, bring me the shirts she irons every week for the boys, sew a dress for an upcoming event, manage the books for my fathers business, pick the strawberries, tomatoes, onions and zucchini she grew in her garden, mow the neighbors pasture with the tractor and oh- help birth a calf. She makes lists, eats a balanced meal at every meal, can craft anything, sew anything, bake anything, grow anything, raise anything and pretty much should wear a cape and mask.

 

When my husband and I got married in 2003, I had this standard in my mind of how I should be as a wife and mom. A do all, be all mother who can conquers everything in an orderly, organized fashion. For those who know me well enough are probably on the floor choking on my words knowing I am the most unorganized, distractible, spontaneous person you could probably meet. First of all I forget everything, so when buying cards for family members, I either loose them or forget to send them. In high school I somehow managed to wear a size 3 but by the end of my first term in college I was a size 10 and have fluctuated after 4 kids between a 14 down to an 8 back up to a 12 and have managed to work my way back down to a 10 since the birth of our last child, but thanksgiving is coming so I’m sure that will change. My daily life consist of me trying to clean my house but inevitable failing between multiple distractions and children so I end up with a half made poorly done pinterest project, 2 sheets of burnt cookies, dead plants in the back yard, a stack of filing for my husbands business that has been sitting there for weeks, a giant pile of half folded laundry that isn’t put away and 4 kids going to bed an hour past bed time after having Tostinos pizza for dinner…again. I am not my mother.

 

About halfway through the past 10 years I began to resent the fact that I had none of my mother’s talents. I was too unorganized, too distracted to be able to be like her. My mom, my husband, and my kids had never asked me to be those things. I was putting it on myself.

 

But why?

 

 If my family was accepting of who I was then why was I finding all the ways each day how I wasn’t the Martha Stewart, wife of the year, etsy store, organized list maker, pinterest project, organic food, perfectionist, homeschooling mom I wanted to be?

 

 

 

7 years ago I joined a national organization called MOPS- which stands for Moms of Preschoolers.  these women are truely amazing. We all come from different backgrounds, families and belief systems. There have been days where I didn't have time nor energy to go to a meeting, but once I got there I was so glad I did. We meet twice a month during the school year and enjoy adult conversation (a must when a parent of preschoolers), great food and various activities and speakers. Of course it’s like any mommy meeting at first. The feeling of not wanting the rest of them to know what a wholly mess you are, but by the end of the first month you’re comparing war stories about poopie pants and worst mom of the year award winning moments. It was within this group (and during a pregnancy) that I had a complete and utter meltdown. And yes, they still speak to me. At the time I was working, and still attempting to be the all perfect homemaker mom. A speaker was coming to talk about balance in our schedules. As she spoke it came about that she married a man with children and had not had them as babies. I in turn, {again pregnant and hormonal} began to sob uncontrollably. The cure I was seeking to my never-ending unstructured self was not to be found. As I went on my babbling rampage to these poor women, they all began to say the same thing I was. How they felt like they could do more, be more, to be better wives and moms. In that moment it dawned on me that I wasn’t alone. That maybe that one thing was what made us great made me great; the want and need to be better for our families. From a child’s perspective my mom was perfect. I now honestly believe that is the ultimate goal. I can’t be a perfect someone else. I can only be a perfect me; for my husband, my kids, my family and my friends. I know now my mom is somewhat of an exception to the rule, and I’m grateful for it, but I’m also grateful for being so unorganized that I forget to go to a meeting because I would rather watch a movie with my husband. Distractible enough to spend the whole day doing what I love in my kitchen instead of mopping floors. Spontaneous enough to build a fort in my livingroom and not fold the laundry. So for my fellow messy moms- here is a sure fire, last minute meal for those movies, fort, baking days;

 

 

Zucchini Casserole

8 cups sliced zucchini

1 egg, slightly beaten

1 cup mayo

1 cup Parmesan cheese

1 small onion, chopped

1 packages sliced and sautéed hotdogs or 1-2 packs crumbled bacon pieces

Salt & pepper to taste

Butter

Crushed up rice krispies or corn flakes

Bring a pot of water to boil, enough o sustain the amount of zucchini.  Drop in sliced zucchini and boil until just tender but not too long. Drain well.
2. In a large mixing bowl, combine egg, mayo, Parmesan cheese, onion, protien and salt & pepper. Mix well. Add drained zucchini and mix.
3. Butter a large pie plate and pour zucchini mix into pie plate. Melt butter and mix with desired topping and sprinkle over casserole.

4. Bake at 350 degrees for 45 minutes to 1 hour until bubbly.

 

Note: for a lighter version use light mayo and omit topping.

 

In songs of Solomon 4:7 it says “You are all together beautiful my love, there is no flaw in you”.  God created us just as he wanted us to be. Not like another mom, but just us.

 

A Beautiful Mess.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Kill it- You Cook it

I remember being a little girl and dreaming about the man I would someday marry. I don't think I could even offend my husband with the statement that dead animals would not be the base of any little girls prince charming. farmer-maybe, hunter...mmm..OK, but Taxidermist? I knew a six to seven figure a year, large company CPA was not in my future, just because I wasn't that kind of girl, but I definitely did not prepare myself for the strange looks- sudden gulps and squished faces when I declare- " he's a taxidermist." Mind you I am not ashamed of the job that puts a roof over my head and clothes on my children's back. Heath is an artist and a craftsmen and I applaud him each and everyday. That being said- I know its weird.

The two most annoying questions I got when we were engaged were " Are you going to let him hang that stuff in the house?" and because I was a culinary arts major, " remind me not to eat dinner at your house?! Ha-Ha!"...yeah...real funny. We don't eat skunk or raccoon, I have all my teeth and no one is playing a banjo in the background. We are a fully functioning {semi} normal family, no old tires in the front yard, and yes we have running water. We have head mounts in the house but they do not look like an ominous creature with crooked eyes bulging from its head like you see in crime shows where the guy has a dead body in his freezer. It's a business just like an auto mechanic or a welder. We provide a service to hunters, and to my surprise over the past decade of my marriage, its a thriving business. Each year his business grows and we see people of all income brackets come through the door. And to be honest, in my opinion, they are the best customers a business could ask for. They are kind and caring, and are more like friends and family then just another sale. We get spoiled by our customer too. Some spend so much time in the woods that they literally give us meat out of their freezer because they have too much. OK-for the moms out there reading this still being skeptical and wrinkling your face let me put it in these terms;

envision someone walking through the door and giving you 10 pounds of hamburger, 6 bottom round roasts (about 5 lbs. a piece), and 3 packages of steaks, about a pound a piece. All organic, grass fed meat from a local sustainable source-for FREE. Crunch those numbers, un-crunch your face and tell me I'm not onto something! The protein we get not only reduces my grocery bill but guarantees my kids, the best option there is available. This also gives me the freedom to create all kinds of things with the various cuts we end up getting.
Most people I think are scared to cook game meat, I know I was. You spend your whole life with pork, beef and chicken and then you try to cook this thing that once had horns and you don't even know where to begin. You've heard the rumors about it being gamey and your great aunt  Bertha cooked it one time and it was either deep fried and smothered in gravy or dry and chalky. Trust me when I say this- its just like BEEF! I know, I know, its like the saying it's just like chicken, but I'm serious. Its a dark meat that is simply leaner, has less cholesterol and when handled correctly, has only a slightly different taste then beef and is not gamey at all. Sure everyone likes something deep fried and covered in gravy but Aunt Bertha weights 260 pounds for a reason. No one can live on a diet like that and to be honest, you loose so much of the flavor. If you become lucky enough to harvest a deer or elk yourself or like us, have it given to you, here is a recipe we love;

Salt Crusted Wild Roast
1-3 to 5lb. Deer or Elk Roast
1/3 c. olive oil
1/4 c. minced onion
1-2 tbsp. minced garlic (depending on your taste)
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tbsp. herbes de provence
1 cup kosher salt

combine oil, onion, garlic, pepper and herbes in a heavy plastic bag. Add roast and insure it it coated in the mixture. Refrigerate overnight. Remove from bag and let set on a  roasting rack lined with foil until room temperature. preheat oven to 350 degrees. Using hands, message the kosher salt all over the surface of the roast, generously heaping some on the top. Bake for 1-2 hours- depending on your roast size. Roast should reach 140 degrees before removing from oven, longer if you prefer it less pink. remove from oven and let stand for 10-15 minutes. remove salt crust and slice as desired.


The next is a somewhat deceptive recipe I created to get my kids to eat cauliflower and makes a great, earthy side to a hearty roast like the one above.

Creamy Cauliflower Potatoes

3 large red potatoes, NOT peeled
3 cups cauliflower pieces- fresh or frozen ( if frozen thawed)
tbsp. salted butter
1/2 c. heavy cream
salt and pepper to taste

Dice potatoes and place in a large pot with cauliflower pieces and  heavily salted water. bring to boil and cook until potatoes and cauliflower are soft but not mushy, about 10 minutes. drain well. in the same pot heat the heavy cream and butter until melted. add in the potatoes and cauliflower and using a potato masher press out the potatoes and cauliflower. In the event you have big chunks of cauliflower, pulse with a stick blender but remember, your making smashed potatoes-not baby food. Add salt and pepper to taste
You can add in bacon pieces, cheese, whatever you want to doctor them up- but don't tell the kids about the cauliflower.

As the hunting season falls upon us and your husband has a friend who wants to take him hunting- shove him out the door! it will save you some time from couponing.

Summer Storm

Most people live by a schedule- as for myself I have found that with 4 kids it works best to have one- but sticking to it ( again 4 kids) generally ends in more havoc then its worth at times. During the summer months for our family I always find our family in a state of discombobulated order. We have a bedtime- but it could be 7:30 or 10:30. We have regular meals- like chicken ala’ McDonalds. I will say my one saving grace for my family’s health during the busy summer months is the barbecue. I truly love it. Unfortunately for me I do not have one of those husbands who slaves over a grill during and cooks a steak to perfection

Yea….that would be me..


He is gladly willing and able to eat whatever I make though- such a good sport!

Anyway, this month is particular was probably the busiest one we have had in the 10 years we have been married. We had out of town guest 2 different times, County fair (that I volunteer at), a HUGE community wide garage sale that went on for 4 days ( plus clean up and take down), and now we are gearing up for our 4 kids’ giant birthday bash. I have finally found the floor of my living room and felt a need to disconnect from the mop and vacuum and spread a little summer recipe cheer. For those of you who are currently living my nightmare reality, I have a great tried and true summer pasta salad recipe that is always a crowd pleaser, super easy to make, goes great with any grilled protein or kabob, and can stay in the fridge for days. In our opinion its better the next day after the pasta soaks up the dressing.



Summer Pasta Salad

1 lb. cooked, drained, rinsed and cooled tri-color pasta

1 ½ c. finely diced sharp cheddar cheese

1 large tomato diced

2 green onions sliced

1 cucumber seeded and diced

1 ½ c. ham diced

1c. canola oil

¼ c. apple cider vinegar

¼ c. lemon juice

2 tbsp. ranch dressing mix


Mix together cooled pasta and next 5 ingredients in a large bowl and set aside. In a separate bowl whisk together the oil, vinegar and ranch dressing mix until well blended. Pour desired amount of dressing over salad and toss. Note: if stored overnight the salad will absorb some of the dressing so more can be applied later on.

~ This recipe is one my mom has made every summer for as long as I can remember and is a summer barbeque staple. Thanks Mom! ~